An Early Pledge

9 Dec

While I am mostly at peace, of course there are somethings I want to change. I haven’t written body issue posts because quite frankly,until now it was an open wound and I wasn’t ready to share. But now I’m ready and willing. Weight has always been an issue. It only really became a problem during high school, of course during an already rough patch. It also seemed to coincide with a serious period of migraines. I would get a headache in the late afternoon during class and it would quickly turn into a migraine. This happened pretty much every day during high school. It wasn’t pretty. I would come home and crash. Finally around 8p.m. it would ease up and I would do homework. There wasn’t really any time or energy left for extra activities, like sports or artsy stuff. I became a bit lazy and I’m only recently getting out of the funk.

 And as anyone with body issues can tell you- outside opinions do not help (unless asked, of course). I’ve had plenty of healthy conversations and discussions that have empowered and “showed me the light”, and I’ve had ones the exact opposite. For example:  My professor decided the last conversation we were going to have should center on my weight and the impact it has on my personality. She believes that if I were skinnier I would be more outspoken and be better served in the real world. She also felt a need to point out that “image counts” and that I wasn’t putting my best self forward. This was incredibly hurtful. The fact that she feels this way and especially that she has felt this way for 4 years and was laying it all on me the last time I would see her. In retrospect, I’m sure it came from a good place but still brought up a lot of past bullying issues.

This year has sort of become my “lost year”- all sorts of things are up in the air. And I’ve realized a major aspect that keeps coming up is body issues. So, no more. I’m certainly not going all fitness crazy- it’s not my style. I mean, c’mon-my family motto is “I’ll just lie down until the feeling goes away.” :)  However, instead of making an empty promise on January 1st I’m making a wholehearted one on December 9th. The migraines are still a significant part of my life and I’m still trying to figure them out… those buggers are tricky.  All in all I’m just going to do my best, and that’s all any of us can do.

{All Photos Courtesy Pinterest}

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2 Responses to “An Early Pledge”

  1. rootstoblossom December 9, 2011 at 10:14 pm #

    Migraines are terrible! And yes, very tricky. I want to make the same healthy body promise, but I’m afraid to let myself down.

  2. gracedevine December 10, 2011 at 6:06 pm #

    They really are. But as I’ve gotten older I’ve learned to be my most productive on days without one and try to outsmart my own brain…It makes no sense. But I think I’m going to try and go about my healthy promise different this time. I’m not going to make a big to-do about it, if I stumble- I stumble and get back going. We’ll see though, sometimes I need outside motivation. Good luck, I’ll be rooting for you! :)

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